WHO AM I??

Who am i really?... if u judge by my blogs n stuff, u wud summarize me into a few things

1. very in love
2. very dark
3.hopeless romantic


yes i am all of that but i am much more... here.. today i reveal to you wat i am trully.. no more mask, no more macy's day parade...

I am alone.. yes i have a gf but i still feel alone... i have frenz yet i still feel alone... im always the person that blended in but sumhow becomes the forgotten one... i realise this wen i was young, 9-10 years old.. mayb being the eldest in the family, i had to look out for myself more.. i tend to do thinks by myself... yes i love being wit company but sum how, i dunnno, i still feek left aside..

im not saying that i have a bad gf, no... wen im wit her, i cherish every single milisecond with her but i do wonder y i still feel emoty at times...
mayb its me, i noe its me but y so???

being me, i try to "lose myself" in music.. but reality has to hit my head every 10mins.. at those moments i feel alone.. and im a guy who cant seem to forget the past... it rewinds in my head like a post production studio.... wenever i hear or see sumthing that reminds me of sumthing or a conversation, the memory lingers, most of the time it becomes a re-act of those memories in which case i think of wat i shud have said or done... it like a dream only that ur not sleeping... kinda depressin really but thats jz me... n bcz of this "gift", i had alot of problem wit my gf... not that i wanna bring up old stories wen we have arguments, but it jz pops up.. i wanna b forgetfull, especially of my past but wat am i to do???.

n i like being an entertainer, a crowd pleaser.. so i try to "satisfy" every1 needs as much i can... im not saying i like to help people but i think i have "entertainer blood".. watever the hell that means.... like instance, i cant sing, but i still sing anyways (wit music in the bekground) jz so i can please a crowd (this no longer happens but i stil love to do it).. i do things jz to see people happy...

So who am i really?.. am i jz a make believe of everything i seee n hear?? am i jz a psychopath who deals wit his problems differently??. who am i or WHAT Am I?>>. i dunno. trying to work things out wit myself... mayb i shud had taken psychology course... at least i cud do sum medical test on myself to see wether im scientifically retarded... mayb i already am jz dat im taking it lightly... WHO?????? WHAT???????? WHY?????.... STOP ASKING QUESTIONS!!! i hope i get to fake my death... jz to see how many people wud actually come to my funeral.. that'll b fun... jz to see my family coming to bury.. i doubt any1 else wud come but time will tell.. till den... i hope to write again..

hmmm.. i wonder if i have multiple idiotic personality syndrome... ill let u noe if i find out... :-)