dunno anymore

i dunno anymore.. i cant take it... i feel like quittin but its tough.. i dun trust myself.. i dun trust people... i hate myself even more now.. getting tense, angry for no reason for for the slightest reason.. my frenz dunno noe .. mayb cz they never seen me yell at any1 or any1 of them for that matter before... i have a severe anger/trust/betrayal issue... i've had it since i was young.. but it now develope into sumthing that i fear might be overboard.. i need help.. professional help.. but i think my remaining sanity is helpfull enuf.. but its not long till i explode n create a chain saw massacre (or a double parang massacre) here... only girlfren has seen dis.. my anger n my other side (in which i always say is my other personality, the devil that was suppose to be born??..)

Wen i say i have issues, i mean i have issues... wanna noe how bad?... my gf fears me.. not out of respect, but out of scaredness... she fears me n it shows.. i hate it... how can u be with sum1 who fears u, not respect... haha.. respect.. even i hardly respect myself.. how could any1 else... it kills me sumtimes, like literally, wen i noe i made my gf cry or scared... but i dunno y is it that only she i can show my anger too.. but not in fornt of her.. only wen she's far away or not directly in front of me... her face n her presence always keeps me calm.. no matter how pissed, im still in control..

but now she's far away.. my peace n calmness is no longer here... my twin is up n is giving me a heartbreak, my life as i noe is coming to a waste... i dunno.. mayb i need to let sum steam out ( n no darling, typin it out dun work, it only aggravates it).... i need music.. i need to let out my scream... i need to scream for the devil... let it out... stop disturbing me...AAAARRRRRRGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!! i've gone crazy... i mean like sociopath/psychopath, killer mind, serial killer doin it for a serial thriller reliever... i can talk to myself n answer myself as a different person.. my gf heard that once... n i wasnt messing around.. i actually lost my brains out... it wasnt a good conversation...i was arguing wit her (in which case i was at fault, really2 big time fault..)

what am i to do?... i dun wanna die early but ithink its best for every1... i feel like taking 500DB of Subwoofer n fit it in my brain.. at least i can die wit music (n wit style)... i noe no1 wan reads this stupid depressing, psychopath blog, even my girl read other people wan instead of mine... but if u are reading it, n u think u can help or encourage me to kill myself, here's my email.... chakra_sonic20033@hotmail.com ..... chakra_sonic20033@yahoo.com ... n my phone number 017-9562767 ... in case u wanna call me 1 last time.. (i dunno how long i have till im no longer here)... till then... i say good bye to every1 n any1.. sorry for the pain i've cause n the hearts i've broken... i hope all is forgived n forgotten...