my grandfather...

my grandfather jz passed away.. its 2.15am now.. i jz got a called from my mum...

i will be in jerantut this week.... fuck man.. he jz died... gotta hold bek my emotions..

say wat?

huh?.. since wen i ask u bek?.. trying to screw me up ar?... SORRY>>> THE REST OF THE MSG HAS BEEN CENCORED BY ME DUE TO TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES>>>


TO MY AQUANTAICE TO WHOM THIS MSG IS TO>>> U ShALL NOE THE NEWS WEN UR NOT READY>> YES>> WEN UR NOT READY>

frenz?... hahah i think not..

hmmm.. frenz u say.. sorry.. lets get a direct quote shall we.. "aquaintance".. nicely put.. good2..

i shall honour your last wishes for u have been buried within me... ur soul shall make a fertile ground for my next soul.. n i shall go soul hunting till i am finally satisfied.. yet remember dat ur soul is wat fuels my hate..

so good bye, sayonara, be dead n stay history for yesday was passed n u are no longer forever...



P.S... hahahahaha.. im still happy.. muahahaha.. FML..

haiz... susah la..

yeah.. its been 3weeks of being single n apart.. but yesday.. sum thing make me think la..

i was watchin Nick & Nora Infinite playlist, a movie (duh!), n i remembered all the times that i spend wit her... all the good times, all the dates...

susah la... but im keeping this in my heart.. cz she doesnt wan me bek.. so wat for go susah2 propose again rite?.. i need to move on la.. but wat 2 to.. used to be so close..

nvm dat,.. im broke like fuck now.. like i have 5cent left in my wallet... jz now lunch n tea oso covered by my classmates ( THANKS ANDREW N TITUS).... haiz.. i need a job but so hard to find a job in my field.. guess i need to do my old job bek 4 a while den.. WAITER!!!....

haiz.. see la how.. ok la.. till den..

(INSERT TITILE HERE)

tired... bored... crazy... broke.... thatd the 4words i can use to describe my week... been sleeping less nwdays.. n im used to it.. been sleepin like 4-5am everyday... crazy..

tryin to write a script for a drama i wanna do for the astro competition..... cant wait to DJ again but im broke like (insert ur favourite curses here)....

body feels so tired tho i sleep enuf.. (insert ur favourite curses here)........

haiz.. sien la.. dunno wat to write.. owh.. i LOVE PRODIGY NEW ALBUM... n ASTRAL PROJECTION>>> 2 awesome electronica band...

FML.. hahahahah

there this site call FML (fuck my life).. no its not porn..lol... its whre people type things of wat stupid things happens in their life.. i was laughin histerically like a madman alone reading their stuff.. here sum stuff...

Today, I turned 18. Nothing was said at breakfast, but I figured they'd remember and we'd have cake at night. I came home and there was cake, but not for me. My sister got her period for the first time during the day and they were celebrating. Apparently, a vaginal discharge was more important. FML

Today, I celebrated my 21st birthday. My boyfriend of almost 3 years gave me a big pink vibrator. Thinking it was a joke I said: "I won't need this as long as I have you!" His reply: "That's what I wanted to talk to you about." FML

Today, I was petting my cat when my new mood ring turned bright purple. I checked the piece of paper that came with the ring and saw that purple meant I was feeling "hot, sexy, and passionate." According to my ring, I'm hot for my cat. FML

Today, I was masturbating to a video a friend sent me. The girls were hot, walking out on a stage doing all sorts of sexy manuevers. The video was close to ending and the announcer in the video announced the winner. His name was Dan. It was a drag competition. My friend knew I'd whack off to it. FML

Today, I found my phone under the car seat after three days. I flipped it open ready to issue apologies to everyone who had tried to get in touch with me and I had worried. No missed calls. FML

Today, I was at my new apartment. My fiance was coming home so I filled the apartment with candles and put on some sexy music. When he came up to my door, I answered the door, naked. What I didn't know was that he was bringing his dad to see the new apartment. FML

this and more on this website.... http://www.fmylife.com/ ... enjoy..

my break up poem for you, my dearest fren..

once a upon a time,
the was sweetness in the air,
not a taste of sour lime,
a time where for each other we cared,
then things got ruff,
all teary eyed n heart,
all the things we've love,
chizzled together keeping us part,
now ur gone n i realise my love for u was strong,
but all i ever wanted is to see u smiling (hahahaha.. u noe wat song that was from),
im sorry for my the things i;ve wronged,
i hope we'll b frenz since then till dying...

not as good la.. but ok ok lor.. hehehehe

what a week!!

hmmm its been.. 5days??? since i broke up wit my gf (now ex gf).. sumhow for me.. i feel fine.. n sumhow happy but still feel empty la.. how not to feel like dat?.. a person i really loved wit all my heart n soul jz gone like dat.. but we;re still frenz..mayb cz i saw the break up cmoing n it was gradual instead of a sudden fight n fuck off thingy..muahahaha...

but v still chat n talk about our past n present.. i mean we're close frenz but there will always b that connection of wat we had n gone tru together... i still love her but i think, n she tinks, its better v remain frenz.. tho i sumtimes feel it a lil dream shattering la.. but life must go on n im finding it pretty happy.......

SInce monday, i;ve been a crazy overactive pig (ah ha.. u didnt noe such things exist.. lol).. monday went for class, den futsal den overnighted at titus place.. had 2hours of sleep.. den went to studio for my post production assignments... lepak here n there.. then saw JOHN upstairs at the DJ room.. apa lagi.. balik, mandi, pack CD overnite lagi... no sleep tonitez.. after DJ sessions, class. wit mr ismail.. a real funny man.. mmg wa tabik sama lu la, sir,,..

Den came home.. slept for 14hours straight.. i didnt even wake up in the night.. i was dead for that 14hours..hehehe.. den.. wen for an audition in bukit bintang for a movie.. came bek... bought my USB modem n got it cheap la.. sort of... then went to summit n hang out wit cynthia (she is my fren from kuantan church).. chat about old time.. kinda got a job or a proposal to do wit her skool prom.. need to find DJ stuff from my college.. things like dat la...

den friday.. today..went studio.. did my post production thingy... went futsal.. came bek home.. chatted wit my ex.. ada la rasa rindu skit kat dier xp skang kawan je la... shared a few "break up songs" wit her.. lol... den now im here lor... jz typing msg to any1 who is dumb enuf to read n waste time on my blog..

tomoro goin for my college open day.. goin for the food mostly.. muahaha.. den again,.. so is every1 in my collge.. h aaa.. o.. till then.. ckiow..

single again

yes.. i am single again.. apparently my girl quit.. saying he doesnt u.stand anymore.. hahah.. how to u.stand me wen u keep talking to other people?.. anyways... i dun mind.. her choice.. so im single bek again.. goin bek on the prowl again.. woohhooo!!!.. ladies lets go...

FEEL GOOD INC.

hmm.. if u've been reading my blog.. u'd see how mentally unstable i was... but now im fine.. im healthy n happy.. been doin a lot of thinkin (n been a whole lot patient wit things)....

i got four movies from naz the other day... Fight club, seven puonds, slumdog millionaire and halloween.... these 4movies actually can be put to 2categories in my personality...

personality 1:

Slumdog millionaire and seven pounds... Love n trials to keep a love goin... if u've wat6ched this movies u'd see that both movies really fight for people's happiness n sacrificing their need for others.. im not saying im such a saint n will sacrifice anything (im still an alien wit needs) but i'll do anything for the wan i love.. anything jz to have dat person around (but not till locking them up in a basement la).. n the things they do jz so they can see other people happy.... seven pounds really, really touched my heart.... good movies

Personality 2:

Halloween n Fight club... hmmm.. its my other personality.. its the Devil in me ;-o..... halloween shows how a child wit a twisted mind can be.. which kept me thinkin dat i cud have been like dat if i didnt have an inner voice (yes, i hear voices in my mind.. every second)... n fight club wud be the lonely/sad part of my life... i sumthing speak to myself (again.. voices appears) but its revolves around the past things dat has happen.. but it evolutionize its self to wat i shud have said n becomes a whole diff story.. when dat happen, i have tonnes of question n sick, demented ideas come's up to mind...


overall.. this 4 movies can really sum up into protaying my 2most outstanding displayed emotion or inner thought.. watch those movies n u'll noe how i really am...

say sumthing

Sorry if i treat u bad,
but im really goin mad,
I no longer have my heart,
My oush to live is cutted,
Im Findin it hard to live without my heart,
I need peace but its worlds apart,
Staring in the mirror,
I see myself as a serial killer,
Blood flow tru my scarred skin,
i noe in life i can no longer win,
I u.stand if u wanna leave,
IM crazy but even i wud leave,
My life slowly falls like a dried leaf,
I hope u talk to me n say sumthing in the future,
or ill think to you i mean a useless, dreadfull creature...

now i u.stand wat it feels like to be the character played by edward norton in "Fight Club"... all my life i noe i was a bit crazy but it all crumble, shattered, broken n pierce my soul out jz recently.... im a broken man... nite after nite i feel depressed yet in the morning im as cheerfull as the singin nightingale...

dunno anymore

i dunno anymore.. i cant take it... i feel like quittin but its tough.. i dun trust myself.. i dun trust people... i hate myself even more now.. getting tense, angry for no reason for for the slightest reason.. my frenz dunno noe .. mayb cz they never seen me yell at any1 or any1 of them for that matter before... i have a severe anger/trust/betrayal issue... i've had it since i was young.. but it now develope into sumthing that i fear might be overboard.. i need help.. professional help.. but i think my remaining sanity is helpfull enuf.. but its not long till i explode n create a chain saw massacre (or a double parang massacre) here... only girlfren has seen dis.. my anger n my other side (in which i always say is my other personality, the devil that was suppose to be born??..)

Wen i say i have issues, i mean i have issues... wanna noe how bad?... my gf fears me.. not out of respect, but out of scaredness... she fears me n it shows.. i hate it... how can u be with sum1 who fears u, not respect... haha.. respect.. even i hardly respect myself.. how could any1 else... it kills me sumtimes, like literally, wen i noe i made my gf cry or scared... but i dunno y is it that only she i can show my anger too.. but not in fornt of her.. only wen she's far away or not directly in front of me... her face n her presence always keeps me calm.. no matter how pissed, im still in control..

but now she's far away.. my peace n calmness is no longer here... my twin is up n is giving me a heartbreak, my life as i noe is coming to a waste... i dunno.. mayb i need to let sum steam out ( n no darling, typin it out dun work, it only aggravates it).... i need music.. i need to let out my scream... i need to scream for the devil... let it out... stop disturbing me...AAAARRRRRRGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!! i've gone crazy... i mean like sociopath/psychopath, killer mind, serial killer doin it for a serial thriller reliever... i can talk to myself n answer myself as a different person.. my gf heard that once... n i wasnt messing around.. i actually lost my brains out... it wasnt a good conversation...i was arguing wit her (in which case i was at fault, really2 big time fault..)

what am i to do?... i dun wanna die early but ithink its best for every1... i feel like taking 500DB of Subwoofer n fit it in my brain.. at least i can die wit music (n wit style)... i noe no1 wan reads this stupid depressing, psychopath blog, even my girl read other people wan instead of mine... but if u are reading it, n u think u can help or encourage me to kill myself, here's my email.... chakra_sonic20033@hotmail.com ..... chakra_sonic20033@yahoo.com ... n my phone number 017-9562767 ... in case u wanna call me 1 last time.. (i dunno how long i have till im no longer here)... till then... i say good bye to every1 n any1.. sorry for the pain i've cause n the hearts i've broken... i hope all is forgived n forgotten...

Marbles missing

IM sorry but im an idiot,
My sole Purpose is to create a riot,
I hate to fight,
but i no longer tell which's rite,
a mystic figure shadows my sight,
covering me from a single light,
i glow from within,
but i shine wit sin,
mayb bcz i wear a mask,
giving me hate like a hot water flask,
My world crumbles n shatters,
under my breathe curses i mutter,
the thunder growls and the slammin shutter,
i wanna be free, away from this cluster,
i wish to die sooner not later,
but i promise sum1 ill b there forever,
mayb i will, mayb i'll never,
but i noe im much crazierr,
till den so long my n good bye my long lost fren,
i shall see u again in the end.

HATE!!

i no longer have feelings,
only hatred lingers,
i cant no longer heal,
my scars stays forevers,

my mind has no peace,
i cant live with ease,
being happy is my wish,
but only hate on my list,

i noe its bad,
it only makes me sad,
but now i have no patience,
im out to get my vengeance,

God n Satan dwell in me,
interpreting wat they see,
should i kill or let it be,
my sould no longer free,

nw i go to a place i hate,
yet destined to be by fate,
where angels sing n fire's burn,
In God ray i will burn...

WHAT IS LOVE?

What is love??.. really?? Can anyone really describe wat love is? I really think not... because.. if u can decribe it, ur jz faking love..

You might say love is sum1 caring for someone... does dat mean u love ur barber/hairstylist?

you might say love is sum1 doing sumthing from the bottom of their heart... does dat mean all charitable person love the poor??


i wud say love is sumthing u could not explain... love is sumthing dat comes from deep within (i hope its not from ur bowels)... love is sumthing u feel.. love is more than tolerating one another differences... love is... well.. LOVE!!...

i simply cant explain it but i feel it.. WHY is love so hard to explain??.... there was a saying i say in the movie sepet (or how i wud sum it up)... " You can love sumone in a second but u cant like the person a minute..."... i guess thats y there are so many sick puppies around, me included... yes im still in love.. very much in love... it'll b two years in june but of cz, a lil much longer for me (as i was the sick puppy :-D), but i still love my darling the same i loved her wen i 1st fell in love.. i think i grew much more since den.. all the things we share n we've been tru... i really think what i have wit her, i can never achieve it wit any other human (or living creature for that matter)......yes, the pass 6months havent been such a silky smooth ride but i think im becoming more u.standing, well at least i hope i am....but wats a relatioship without its ups n downs... seriously, if ur a couple n havent had ur quarrel yet, sumthing sum where is wrong.....


Back to topic, LOVE... LOVE... LOVE>>> yes... im in love!!.. im filled wit love n im surrounded by it... my darling definitley drowns me wit love, my parents, my frenz.... but i wud say that a lover's love knows no boundary.. yes.. my darling, my chayang (dis word copywrited, daniel dun steal.. muahahahahha)... my one and only princess n sweetie, miss vageswary @ stella (wat to do, nowadays got people muz have london name :-p)...

my trip bek to kuantan was really wat i needed from the tension i've bee pullin without being near my darling... the 1st 3days was filled wit hugs n kisses, very romantic, tho i only hand at her place it was better den being far away not seeing tru dat star filled eyes...

ok.. im gonna stop now n let u guys finish vommiting.... i noe i noe.. very revolting.. yea yea.. i noe la... but wat to to.. got people steal my heart so im like this lor... hmmm... i wonder wether i shud tell u guys bout how i met my sweet heart.. dat will b another time.. of cz...

b4 i go... DARLING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE YOU!!!!

WHO AM I??

Who am i really?... if u judge by my blogs n stuff, u wud summarize me into a few things

1. very in love
2. very dark
3.hopeless romantic


yes i am all of that but i am much more... here.. today i reveal to you wat i am trully.. no more mask, no more macy's day parade...

I am alone.. yes i have a gf but i still feel alone... i have frenz yet i still feel alone... im always the person that blended in but sumhow becomes the forgotten one... i realise this wen i was young, 9-10 years old.. mayb being the eldest in the family, i had to look out for myself more.. i tend to do thinks by myself... yes i love being wit company but sum how, i dunnno, i still feek left aside..

im not saying that i have a bad gf, no... wen im wit her, i cherish every single milisecond with her but i do wonder y i still feel emoty at times...
mayb its me, i noe its me but y so???

being me, i try to "lose myself" in music.. but reality has to hit my head every 10mins.. at those moments i feel alone.. and im a guy who cant seem to forget the past... it rewinds in my head like a post production studio.... wenever i hear or see sumthing that reminds me of sumthing or a conversation, the memory lingers, most of the time it becomes a re-act of those memories in which case i think of wat i shud have said or done... it like a dream only that ur not sleeping... kinda depressin really but thats jz me... n bcz of this "gift", i had alot of problem wit my gf... not that i wanna bring up old stories wen we have arguments, but it jz pops up.. i wanna b forgetfull, especially of my past but wat am i to do???.

n i like being an entertainer, a crowd pleaser.. so i try to "satisfy" every1 needs as much i can... im not saying i like to help people but i think i have "entertainer blood".. watever the hell that means.... like instance, i cant sing, but i still sing anyways (wit music in the bekground) jz so i can please a crowd (this no longer happens but i stil love to do it).. i do things jz to see people happy...

So who am i really?.. am i jz a make believe of everything i seee n hear?? am i jz a psychopath who deals wit his problems differently??. who am i or WHAT Am I?>>. i dunno. trying to work things out wit myself... mayb i shud had taken psychology course... at least i cud do sum medical test on myself to see wether im scientifically retarded... mayb i already am jz dat im taking it lightly... WHO?????? WHAT???????? WHY?????.... STOP ASKING QUESTIONS!!! i hope i get to fake my death... jz to see how many people wud actually come to my funeral.. that'll b fun... jz to see my family coming to bury.. i doubt any1 else wud come but time will tell.. till den... i hope to write again..

hmmm.. i wonder if i have multiple idiotic personality syndrome... ill let u noe if i find out... :-)