FEEL GOOD INC.

hmm.. if u've been reading my blog.. u'd see how mentally unstable i was... but now im fine.. im healthy n happy.. been doin a lot of thinkin (n been a whole lot patient wit things)....

i got four movies from naz the other day... Fight club, seven puonds, slumdog millionaire and halloween.... these 4movies actually can be put to 2categories in my personality...

personality 1:

Slumdog millionaire and seven pounds... Love n trials to keep a love goin... if u've wat6ched this movies u'd see that both movies really fight for people's happiness n sacrificing their need for others.. im not saying im such a saint n will sacrifice anything (im still an alien wit needs) but i'll do anything for the wan i love.. anything jz to have dat person around (but not till locking them up in a basement la).. n the things they do jz so they can see other people happy.... seven pounds really, really touched my heart.... good movies

Personality 2:

Halloween n Fight club... hmmm.. its my other personality.. its the Devil in me ;-o..... halloween shows how a child wit a twisted mind can be.. which kept me thinkin dat i cud have been like dat if i didnt have an inner voice (yes, i hear voices in my mind.. every second)... n fight club wud be the lonely/sad part of my life... i sumthing speak to myself (again.. voices appears) but its revolves around the past things dat has happen.. but it evolutionize its self to wat i shud have said n becomes a whole diff story.. when dat happen, i have tonnes of question n sick, demented ideas come's up to mind...


overall.. this 4 movies can really sum up into protaying my 2most outstanding displayed emotion or inner thought.. watch those movies n u'll noe how i really am...

say sumthing

Sorry if i treat u bad,
but im really goin mad,
I no longer have my heart,
My oush to live is cutted,
Im Findin it hard to live without my heart,
I need peace but its worlds apart,
Staring in the mirror,
I see myself as a serial killer,
Blood flow tru my scarred skin,
i noe in life i can no longer win,
I u.stand if u wanna leave,
IM crazy but even i wud leave,
My life slowly falls like a dried leaf,
I hope u talk to me n say sumthing in the future,
or ill think to you i mean a useless, dreadfull creature...

now i u.stand wat it feels like to be the character played by edward norton in "Fight Club"... all my life i noe i was a bit crazy but it all crumble, shattered, broken n pierce my soul out jz recently.... im a broken man... nite after nite i feel depressed yet in the morning im as cheerfull as the singin nightingale...

dunno anymore

i dunno anymore.. i cant take it... i feel like quittin but its tough.. i dun trust myself.. i dun trust people... i hate myself even more now.. getting tense, angry for no reason for for the slightest reason.. my frenz dunno noe .. mayb cz they never seen me yell at any1 or any1 of them for that matter before... i have a severe anger/trust/betrayal issue... i've had it since i was young.. but it now develope into sumthing that i fear might be overboard.. i need help.. professional help.. but i think my remaining sanity is helpfull enuf.. but its not long till i explode n create a chain saw massacre (or a double parang massacre) here... only girlfren has seen dis.. my anger n my other side (in which i always say is my other personality, the devil that was suppose to be born??..)

Wen i say i have issues, i mean i have issues... wanna noe how bad?... my gf fears me.. not out of respect, but out of scaredness... she fears me n it shows.. i hate it... how can u be with sum1 who fears u, not respect... haha.. respect.. even i hardly respect myself.. how could any1 else... it kills me sumtimes, like literally, wen i noe i made my gf cry or scared... but i dunno y is it that only she i can show my anger too.. but not in fornt of her.. only wen she's far away or not directly in front of me... her face n her presence always keeps me calm.. no matter how pissed, im still in control..

but now she's far away.. my peace n calmness is no longer here... my twin is up n is giving me a heartbreak, my life as i noe is coming to a waste... i dunno.. mayb i need to let sum steam out ( n no darling, typin it out dun work, it only aggravates it).... i need music.. i need to let out my scream... i need to scream for the devil... let it out... stop disturbing me...AAAARRRRRRGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!! i've gone crazy... i mean like sociopath/psychopath, killer mind, serial killer doin it for a serial thriller reliever... i can talk to myself n answer myself as a different person.. my gf heard that once... n i wasnt messing around.. i actually lost my brains out... it wasnt a good conversation...i was arguing wit her (in which case i was at fault, really2 big time fault..)

what am i to do?... i dun wanna die early but ithink its best for every1... i feel like taking 500DB of Subwoofer n fit it in my brain.. at least i can die wit music (n wit style)... i noe no1 wan reads this stupid depressing, psychopath blog, even my girl read other people wan instead of mine... but if u are reading it, n u think u can help or encourage me to kill myself, here's my email.... chakra_sonic20033@hotmail.com ..... chakra_sonic20033@yahoo.com ... n my phone number 017-9562767 ... in case u wanna call me 1 last time.. (i dunno how long i have till im no longer here)... till then... i say good bye to every1 n any1.. sorry for the pain i've cause n the hearts i've broken... i hope all is forgived n forgotten...

Marbles missing

IM sorry but im an idiot,
My sole Purpose is to create a riot,
I hate to fight,
but i no longer tell which's rite,
a mystic figure shadows my sight,
covering me from a single light,
i glow from within,
but i shine wit sin,
mayb bcz i wear a mask,
giving me hate like a hot water flask,
My world crumbles n shatters,
under my breathe curses i mutter,
the thunder growls and the slammin shutter,
i wanna be free, away from this cluster,
i wish to die sooner not later,
but i promise sum1 ill b there forever,
mayb i will, mayb i'll never,
but i noe im much crazierr,
till den so long my n good bye my long lost fren,
i shall see u again in the end.

HATE!!

i no longer have feelings,
only hatred lingers,
i cant no longer heal,
my scars stays forevers,

my mind has no peace,
i cant live with ease,
being happy is my wish,
but only hate on my list,

i noe its bad,
it only makes me sad,
but now i have no patience,
im out to get my vengeance,

God n Satan dwell in me,
interpreting wat they see,
should i kill or let it be,
my sould no longer free,

nw i go to a place i hate,
yet destined to be by fate,
where angels sing n fire's burn,
In God ray i will burn...

WHAT IS LOVE?

What is love??.. really?? Can anyone really describe wat love is? I really think not... because.. if u can decribe it, ur jz faking love..

You might say love is sum1 caring for someone... does dat mean u love ur barber/hairstylist?

you might say love is sum1 doing sumthing from the bottom of their heart... does dat mean all charitable person love the poor??


i wud say love is sumthing u could not explain... love is sumthing dat comes from deep within (i hope its not from ur bowels)... love is sumthing u feel.. love is more than tolerating one another differences... love is... well.. LOVE!!...

i simply cant explain it but i feel it.. WHY is love so hard to explain??.... there was a saying i say in the movie sepet (or how i wud sum it up)... " You can love sumone in a second but u cant like the person a minute..."... i guess thats y there are so many sick puppies around, me included... yes im still in love.. very much in love... it'll b two years in june but of cz, a lil much longer for me (as i was the sick puppy :-D), but i still love my darling the same i loved her wen i 1st fell in love.. i think i grew much more since den.. all the things we share n we've been tru... i really think what i have wit her, i can never achieve it wit any other human (or living creature for that matter)......yes, the pass 6months havent been such a silky smooth ride but i think im becoming more u.standing, well at least i hope i am....but wats a relatioship without its ups n downs... seriously, if ur a couple n havent had ur quarrel yet, sumthing sum where is wrong.....


Back to topic, LOVE... LOVE... LOVE>>> yes... im in love!!.. im filled wit love n im surrounded by it... my darling definitley drowns me wit love, my parents, my frenz.... but i wud say that a lover's love knows no boundary.. yes.. my darling, my chayang (dis word copywrited, daniel dun steal.. muahahahahha)... my one and only princess n sweetie, miss vageswary @ stella (wat to do, nowadays got people muz have london name :-p)...

my trip bek to kuantan was really wat i needed from the tension i've bee pullin without being near my darling... the 1st 3days was filled wit hugs n kisses, very romantic, tho i only hand at her place it was better den being far away not seeing tru dat star filled eyes...

ok.. im gonna stop now n let u guys finish vommiting.... i noe i noe.. very revolting.. yea yea.. i noe la... but wat to to.. got people steal my heart so im like this lor... hmmm... i wonder wether i shud tell u guys bout how i met my sweet heart.. dat will b another time.. of cz...

b4 i go... DARLING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE YOU!!!!

WHO AM I??

Who am i really?... if u judge by my blogs n stuff, u wud summarize me into a few things

1. very in love
2. very dark
3.hopeless romantic


yes i am all of that but i am much more... here.. today i reveal to you wat i am trully.. no more mask, no more macy's day parade...

I am alone.. yes i have a gf but i still feel alone... i have frenz yet i still feel alone... im always the person that blended in but sumhow becomes the forgotten one... i realise this wen i was young, 9-10 years old.. mayb being the eldest in the family, i had to look out for myself more.. i tend to do thinks by myself... yes i love being wit company but sum how, i dunnno, i still feek left aside..

im not saying that i have a bad gf, no... wen im wit her, i cherish every single milisecond with her but i do wonder y i still feel emoty at times...
mayb its me, i noe its me but y so???

being me, i try to "lose myself" in music.. but reality has to hit my head every 10mins.. at those moments i feel alone.. and im a guy who cant seem to forget the past... it rewinds in my head like a post production studio.... wenever i hear or see sumthing that reminds me of sumthing or a conversation, the memory lingers, most of the time it becomes a re-act of those memories in which case i think of wat i shud have said or done... it like a dream only that ur not sleeping... kinda depressin really but thats jz me... n bcz of this "gift", i had alot of problem wit my gf... not that i wanna bring up old stories wen we have arguments, but it jz pops up.. i wanna b forgetfull, especially of my past but wat am i to do???.

n i like being an entertainer, a crowd pleaser.. so i try to "satisfy" every1 needs as much i can... im not saying i like to help people but i think i have "entertainer blood".. watever the hell that means.... like instance, i cant sing, but i still sing anyways (wit music in the bekground) jz so i can please a crowd (this no longer happens but i stil love to do it).. i do things jz to see people happy...

So who am i really?.. am i jz a make believe of everything i seee n hear?? am i jz a psychopath who deals wit his problems differently??. who am i or WHAT Am I?>>. i dunno. trying to work things out wit myself... mayb i shud had taken psychology course... at least i cud do sum medical test on myself to see wether im scientifically retarded... mayb i already am jz dat im taking it lightly... WHO?????? WHAT???????? WHY?????.... STOP ASKING QUESTIONS!!! i hope i get to fake my death... jz to see how many people wud actually come to my funeral.. that'll b fun... jz to see my family coming to bury.. i doubt any1 else wud come but time will tell.. till den... i hope to write again..

hmmm.. i wonder if i have multiple idiotic personality syndrome... ill let u noe if i find out... :-)